The City Bar, and the lady on the Capitol

Last night I had the pleasure of attending trivia night at The City. It’s supposed to start at 8 but it doesn’t usually start until after 8:30. I was a newbie on the three time champion nearly all-Herald team, dubbed “The Waldo Team.”

Out of a dozen or so teams (maybe more?) we came in third place, qualifying for the “Final Jeopardy” round. With 29 points, we went all in, figuring we had to. The final jeopardy question: what is the name of the statue atop the state capitol?

Do you know? I would love to do a poll to see how many of my readers are worthy Wisconsin citizens. Of course you could cheat…OK, the name is simply “Wisconsin.” We guessed “Voyager.” It hurts. Of course, what hurt even more was seeing that not one of the three teams got it right.

Either way, I like the set up at the City. The combination of couches, tables and the long bar is interesting…kind of trendy looking. It would be a little depressing to spend too much time there – it’s underground and always dark. The drink special on Monday was pretty weak. Although I admire the $4 giant Svedka mixers, every good bar should have a good beer special, and $2.50 bud light bottles is terrible. If you’re drink special is going to feature a bad beer, it should feature the cheapest bad beer possible, like PBR or better still, Blatz. Anybody know of any Schlitz specials around town?

The only other time I had ever been to the City it was late at night, I’d had my fill, and I looked up at the specials and ordered a water.

Jordan’s Big 10 – It looks better inside

Jordan’s Big 10 Pub, another proud member of the Regent St all-star crew. It wasn’t until recently that I met somebody who’d ever been to the pub, let a lone praised it. Not only are the windows tinted, but the two layers of glass doors are so dark that the establishment often appears closed upon arrival. I always assumed it was a seedy dive/sports bar. I was determined to check it out. So I was slightly disappointed the first time I got there to find out that it was not really a dive at all – it more closely resembles the bar section of ESPN center in NYC. TV’s line the walls (although only a few flat screens) with various sports programming. The place is fairly well lit and clean. The staff is friendly.

The fried macaroni and cheese bits are delightful and you don’t have to ask for the ranch, although you do have to ask for the fries that are supposed to accompany the curds. You have to try them. The drink specials are OK – if you’re into rum they have 2 for 1 rum mixers on Wednesday. But no happy hour deal, so it’s not worth going until after 8.

Big 10 is also a good choice for people looking to have a conversation with friends without having to yell. The music is usually pretty good – a lot of oldies at a reasonable volume.

Buck’s Madison Square Garden – why not?

If you’re not looking for three solid inches of tequila in a margarita, Buck’s is not for you. My advice even for the partiers and alcoholics – finish your first drink before you order another one. Even if happy hour’s about to end, the bartenders are benevolent and even the regular alcohol to dollar ratio at Buck’s qualifies for a Happy Hour elsewhere. The cheese curds are OK, but not nearly as good as the “cheese balls” at the Dise, and they’re more expensive, although I believe the serving size is slightly bigger.

The bartender and his team of regulars can be counted on to taunt customers for not drinking enough – just play along and politely decline. The best explanation would definitely be money – studying, driving etc. are not generally considered acceptable excuses to abstain from inebriation. The catcalls do not abide by campus norms of political correctness or social awareness.

They’ll also bother you about some promotion deal called “Bucksball.” There’s really no way to avoid it – you have to sign up. But don’t worry, all you have to do is put down a team name and on following visits you’ll get “bases” or “runs” for drinks you buy. If you have enough free time on your hands, you might order enough to win a prize.

There is no way in hell I would have ever gone to Buck’s if I didn’t live nearby. I suggest you stop by.

Scariest bars in Madison

The recession hit RSR a little bit earlier than the rest of us.

I will never forget my friend Alex’s 21st birthday. He wasn’t particularly interested in a high-profile celebration, but he did insist that at midnight we be at the Regent St Retreat, a bar that is frankly too large to be considered a dive but has nevertheless adopted all the characteristics of one. We had always passed the RSR on Regent and wondered why we never heard about it. Truth be told, the clientele did seem awfully leathery for a student area. Even more interesting was its partner-in-crime, “The Annex Night Club,” which is right next door and is apparently designed to resemble the Alamo.

Although my one visit to the ‘treat before had lead me to believe that the bar was a front for organized crime – there was nobody in the bar – I was pretty sure that a Saturday night would bring out the party in any Madison establishment.

At approximately midnight we showed up at the doors of the RSR and were pleasantly surprised to find no bouncer (only one of us was 21). Opening the door revealed the reason. At midnight on a Saturday there was exactly two customers at the Regent St Retreat, one of disclosed to us that he was an alcoholic and spent the entire time there trying to get us to play pool for money. The other man was his friend, who was visibly concerned about his buddy relapsing into two addictions in one night.

The staff was hostile. Serving anybody but the two regulars was clearly an unwelcome task. Both the barwoman and another staff member (I think the missing bouncer?) seemed intent on rejecting our IDs, but pathetically could not find probable cause to do so, despite the “non-government photo ID” label on two of ours (I deeply regret breaking the law).

The heavy metal and the darkness combined for a genuinely depressing environment. It could only be ignored with heavy irony, however, even that can only last so long.

Are there other bars as miserly as the RSR in Madison? I’m sure there’s some stiff competition, however, I believe the slogan scrawled on the front door of RSR sums it up: You Can’t Beat the ‘Treat!

What do you think, dear reader? Any RSR patrons out there? Have I overlooked a more unsavory establishment?

Cafe Montmartre is “on vacation”

A bar that was much better than Wando’s is no more.

Cafe Montmartre, the wine bar and music club that has been at 127 E. Mifflin St. since 1992, has closed, according to the club’s owners.

“After nearly 17 years of operation, Cafe Montmartre closed its doors this week,” Craig and Kevin Spaulding wrote in an e-mail Tuesday. “We tried to hold on, but the current economic conditions have left us no choice. We are very grateful for our many loyal customers, clients and vendors. It’s with tremendous sadness that we’ve made this decision, but we also feel it’s the right decision given the circumstances. We will cherish the memories forever.”

This represents a modest personal loss for all of us [me] chez le Sconz. I went to the bar last night for the weekly French conversation group only to find an ominous “closed for repairs” sign on the front door. Confused, my two companions and I went to the Great Dane, forfeiting the French, although the rest of the Frenchies ironically showed up later at the same place.

It was truly heart breaking to find out this morning that “closed for repairs” was apparently just a euphemism for “closed for good.”

It reminds me of that line from Forrest Gump. “Mama, what does ‘vacation’ mean?” “It means when you leave and you never ever come back.”

Missing in the Sconz, and the Dise

Dearest Reader, 

I am going to be out of action today due to a failed attempt to go tubing on the Wolf River in northeast Wisconsin. 

I just wanted to recommend the cheese balls at the Paradise Lounge. They’re legit. Much better than the ones I had a couple days ago at Buck’s. Go at happy hour and get some cheese balls for $4.50 and two for one domestic taps. 119 Main St up by the Capitol.

Wando’s is the worst bar in Madison

I feel the same way about the Madison bar scene as I do about Hollywood. I indulge in it, I enjoy some of it. Yet I will never cease to be amazed by the amount of poor quality products put out by it. The Van Wilders, the Vanilla Skies, the Madhatters, the Wando’s. Wando’s is to Madison as 24 is to network television. It is certainly not the only bad product in its field, but it is without a doubt one of the worst.

I say this with confidence despite not having gone to all the bars in Madison. It’s really just an awful, godforsaken embarrassment to Madison night life. It’s unfortunate that they are known to have such a strict carding policy – it seriously reduces the chances that they’ll be shut down and turned into a fish taco joint – something Madison sorely needs.

I had the misfortune of attending Wando’s last night on the occassion of two of my friends’ birthday. After making our way past a glaring troupe of bouncers (how many do you really need on a Monday night?), we were practically pulvarized by what I believe was Korn playing at full decibel. Again, it’s ironic that the bar is not known to cater to underagers, because their trademark drink “the fishbowl” seems marketed not only at people under the drinking age, but kids under the new legal hunting age.

UPDATE: It was practically poetic. One day after making this post I got a call from an old friend who had just gotten back into town. And…long story short, I ended up at Wando’s again. I know, I have no principles. Truth be told, the fight over the girls bathroom and a bar-wide rendition of Kid Rock’s “Sweet Home Alabama” song was good entertainment.