I’ll Skip the Frap

by

Starbucks. One on State. One on the square. And all I can think about is the excess of more suitable options between them. Starbucks is awful and it’s not just the loud music or the sky high prices. I’m no rebel. I conform- just not when it comes to my coffee.

1.)

The caramel macchiato is nothing more than a vanilla latté with a little caramel drizzled over the top. In reality, a macchiato is a shot of espresso with a small amount of milk foam. Their fancy wording is nothing more than a gimmick. Trust me on this one.

2.)

You know what I mean when I say large. I want the biggest one. I don’t care that you call it a Venti. You can call it spaghetti for all I care, but don’t correct me when I say large.

3.)

I’ve never heard the sound of espresso or coffee beans being ground in a Starbucks. I’m sure they grind in house, but a few hours beforehand indicate to me that my drink is going to be stale. No thank you.

4.)

All Starbucks wants to do is expand. They buy out small businesses and if they can’t do that, they open one on every corner until the small business can no longer profit from the area.

5.)

They rob the rest of the world blind. I don’t care if they did finally come to an agreement with Ethiopia. It happened.

6.)

Then, they ruin it. Nothing at Starbucks ever tastes fresh. It’s burnt and stale. There’s a big difference between burnt and strong. Unfortunately, too many people can’t tell that difference because they’ve never tried going anywhere else.

7.)

They continue to be a major player in the cultural homogenization. If you carry a Starbucks cup in your hand, you’re cool. (In fact, you are just another person who bought into their image of what cool must be.) So cookie cutter. Talk about a lack of diversity.

8.)

Do their employees even know what barista means?

9.)

Espresso Royale. Coffee Bytes. Fair Trade Coffee. Mother Fool’s. Electric Earth. Ancora. Barrique’s. Michelangelo’s. Café Soleil. Need I continue?

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15 Responses to “I’ll Skip the Frap”

  1. Prepac Espresso Queen Platform Storage Bed Says:

    […] I'll Skip the Frap « The Sconz […]

  2. Emma R. Says:

    I had to go to Starbies to meet with my TA the other day. I then paid $2.50 for cider and watched them head up some apple juice straight out of a Walgreens-brand container. Deluxe!

    Still, why bother talking about this instead of focusing more on underrated cafes (I rec Barriques by the Capitol)

  3. jaimiec Says:

    Barrique’s by the Capitol is great. A lot of students don’t go there because it’s “SO FAR” though.. Sad.

  4. Kyle S Says:

    I agree that Starbucks sucks for a lot of political and cultural reasons but the fact is so do all giant corporations. The same can be said of the sweatshop-produced clothes we all buy, the slavery-produced tomatoes found at most fast-food chains, etc. The point is that making an individual decision not to shop there is a meaningless gesture, one that will make no difference other than to make one feel good about oneself. Organized pressure tactics are the only thing that matter.

    And you are right about the caramel macchiatto, but it’s also true that most people prefer the Starbucks -pseudo-version. A roommate of mine who used to work at Barrique’s told me that she would have to tell everyone ordering one that it’s not like the one at Starbucks, lest they be disappointed by the bitterness. I think the Starbucks version is pretty delicious, myself.

    • jaimiec Says:

      Regular macchiatos aren’t great unless you like drinking plain espresso, which isn’t very common. But, you CAN go to another coffee shop and order a vanilla latte with whipped cream and caramel drizzled on top and you get the same thing probably for cheaper and with the real name. : )

    • Anonymous Says:

      Ah, yes, so this is why you’re a flaming hypocrite. Nice to know you’ve intellectually justified the disconnect between your words and deeds.

      • jaimiec Says:

        What are you talking about? I never said that I go to Starbucks. Getting a vanilla latte has nothing to do with supporting Starbucks..

      • Kyle Szarzynski Says:

        Um, I’m pretty sure that was directed at me. Creeps like that have a tendency of following me around. In time, one learns to find the humor in it.

      • jaimiec Says:

        Gotcha. We’ve all indulged in a Starbucks caramel macchiato. It’s all good, you flaming hypocrite. ; ) Ha.

  5. Jack Says:

    It should be pointed out that Starbucks is actually suffering from over-expansion described in the post. The company has closed a lot of branches in the last year.

  6. Gerald Cox Says:

    For those of us students who don’t know anything about Coffee, Starbucks is a safe, familar choice. I don’t like to try to hard when it comes to my Frappuccinos.

  7. Gerald Cox Says:

    …or when it comes to spelling “too” correctly.

  8. Bargnes Says:

    What I find funny is the loyalty to Starbucks people like my parents have. Once this summer I was walking up State with them to the farmers market and they wanted coffee. I said there was a Starbucks on Capitol Square but that it would be crowded, so we should just go to Michelangelo’s since it was on the way. I practically had to drag them in there, they were so committed to the Starbucks brand. And then my mom said she liked it more than Starbucks. Go figure.

  9. Sonneman Says:

    Any one who follows ESPN’s Bill Simmons knows that you don’t drink Starbucks because the CEO Howard Schultz is responsible for the Zombie Sonics’ exodus from Seattle to Oklahoma. You just don’t do it.

  10. spencer Says:

    Does jamie just hate on everything?

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