How to avoid Swine Flu


We are a nation of hygiene freaks. Some argue that our insistence on sanitizing our hands after using communal computers or public transportation is leading to a serious deficiency in antibodies, which makes it harder for us to resist the most dangerous new illnesses. However, our anal-retentive cleanliness tends to be forgotten during the weekends, when the party atmosphere tends to insulate us from the mania surrounding whatever plague is in fashion. Here are a few pieces of common-sense advice that I hope will be included in the next H1N1 alert from the Office of the Dean of Students:

  • If you elect to drink out of a common source, such as a beer bong, be sure to sanitize the mouth piece with alcohol before passing the device on to a drinking partner.
  • When smoking legal/illegal substances out of a common source, such as a bong, a pipe or a joint, be sure to run the flame of the lighter over the mouthpiece to kill germs.
  • It is best to avoid romantic encounters, however, if you do find yourself in one, skip foreplay to avoid extended exposure to saliva through kissing, and instead move directly to protected sex. Wear a mask.


2 Responses to “How to avoid Swine Flu”

  1. Zach W. Says:

    You’ve got quite a sense of humor!

  2. Paul Axel Says:

    Jack is a funny man! More stuff like this. Less serious stuff.

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